Bob's cowboy box

One day out of the blue I received a call from Bob. Apparently he had seen my box making article in the citizen a couple of years ago and he wanted me to build a box for him. He didn't just want any box, he loved the style of a 6 sided coffin or as I called it cowboy box (one you would see in an old western movie). If you live in north america this design has been coopted by the gothe or the halloween brand. It one lived in the UK, however, it is the most predominant design.     Bob knew what he wanted and felt that his dual purpose box could start with 3 shelves that would hold his stereo equipment.You see in addition to being a logger and a rancher, Bob, was also a musician. I have found that when people allow themselves to explore their creative nature, they get connected to their integrated self which includes their emotional side and their sense of spirituality. (I will share more about this in a future post when I explore the book by Julia Cameron called "the artists way")

When I spoke with Bob it was clear that he was the kind of guy that didn't mind getting his hands dirty. When I suggested that we build the box together, Bob loved the idea. Although he lived a couple of hours out of Prince George, he was commuting back and forth for his medical appointments. I had suggested having a couple of days to work on the project but when the time came, the weather intervened and I ended up doing the first day on my own. We then did the final assembly and rough finishing together. You could tell that Bob was excited to have the opportunity of working on his own box.

I told Bob that one day I desired to write a book and asked him if he minded having me record our conversation. He gave me his verbal consent and we went about building the box. What I realized in hindsight is that the act of recording the conversation created the opportunity for Bob to tell his story. I pressed record and the first thing Bob said to me is, "I had my first beer when I was 10 years old …"
Bob was reluctant to have his story focused on himself or his cancer narrative. He had chosen to tell me the very roots of his story,a place in which he explained his lengthy relationship with alcohol. You see in hindsight, the alcohol narrative defined how his story would end, but I am getting ahead of myself.  I felt honored to be in Bob's presence and to stand witness to his story and hear it from beginning to end. I only hope that by blogging about this experience and posting on facebook this story will find it's way back to some of Bob's family and friends.

Bob's story included the death of both his parents and how he moved back home to help out with their care. He told me of his dozen close calls in which he almost met his maker, but somehow survived. One of the purposes that his survival created was the opportunity to assist in their final years of life. He also told of the death of 2 of his siblings at the ages of 56. He talked about surviving the family curse the year that he turned 57. I was impressed with Bob's ability to express his vulnerability and express himself to someone that he just met. I guess that reaffirms by belief of the bridge that the building of a simple pine box creates. There was also time when the emotions started to flow and at these moments the natural tendency was to put ear protection on and start to use the power tools. This allowed the space to meditate on the feelings in a very introspective way. This is much more challenging to create this space within a counselling office, and I suspect that I could have never corralled Bob into this formal therapeutic space.

 At the end of the build, Bob was surprised when he told me how good he felt. I had told him that I did traditional grief counselling but he felt that this was much more beneficial and he suggested that everyone should have this opportunity to engage in such a process. I appreciated this endorsement although I already knew the truth about the transformative power of a simple pine box.