Cam's Dad

Today my good friend Cam called me to tell me his dad had died suddenly in Kelowna. His dad was 80 and was out working a landscape job with a friend, when he suddenly just dropped dead. 

Now you have to understand that years ago Cam drove me to my uncle Ernie's garage where we ended up having a spontaneous informal viewing of my grandmother in 2008. It was also Cam that drove me to the medical examiners office to pick up my son in September 2015, and transported him in the back of a pick up truck he borrowed from a friend. He has been one of my main wing-men, not out of conscious choice, but coincidental happenstance. You see Cam is the kind of guy that never says no when a job needs to be done. I just happen to by the type of person who doesn't have good boundaries and asks people to do outrageous things. This is why it was difficult to tell him that I didn't have a box on hand to ship to Kelowna to help him in this pinch. However I knew that Cam had experienced enough of my stories to know how the making a box can shift one's perspective.

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I emailed him a few construction details and suggested he talk with the rest of his family about building a box when they got to Kelowna. It took a few days for them to buy into the concept. Cam directed his sisters to my blog and told them that dad wanted to be put "in a simple pine box". They were told by the funeral home, it would cost $1000 to rent a box and then an additional fee for the creamation container. It just made more sense to build something on their own, especially given the fact that dad had given them "permission" to do so.

Saturday morning, my sister who was most hesitant came to me and said it would be a good idea to build my Dad a simple pine box. My Brother-in-law and I then put the wheels in motion. I contacted Brent, and he sent directions. We purchased materials Saturday afternoon from Home Depot. With people visiting, and funeral planning responsibilities, we did not start building until Sunday evening; cutting pieces to length, dadoing grooves into the laminated pine boards, and dry fitting the boards together for the box.

Monday was a busy day again, with family arriving and other planning duties: putting together an obituary and PowerPoint, meeting with the funeral director, and finalizing plans for the funeral.

Monday evening we put together the lid and put the finishing touches on the box, Dad’s brother, my uncle Dave, is a finish carpenter and was able to quickly put the box and lid together  and with a few pieces of finishing trim on the box. The simple pine box was looking good by Monday evening.

Tuesday morning, we completed the box; drilled holes in the lid and sidewalls for the dowels we would use to pin the lid to the box, and brought the box to the funeral home around 2:00 p.m., to give them time to put Dad’s body in the pine box and prepare for the family viewing in the evening.

The viewing time was very emotional. We brought felt pens to allow family member to write thoughts or messages to Dad onto the box.  I cherish the notes and drawing my wife and daughters put on the casket.

At Wednesday’s funeral, we arranged that the box would not be brought into the service, but remain in a side room, so that guests could go in and add more notes.

Just before the service started, we put the lid on with just the mourners present. Those who wanted to could drive in the wooden dowels: me, my wife, my sisters, Dad’s grandchildren, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and his friends. It was a very emotional time, but good for us to mourn in this way.

One of my cousins, who I thought would want to put in a dowel, said he just couldn’t do it. He said it just didn’t seem right for him to “put the last nail in the coffin.”

Many people told me they were impressed with the coffin, there were no negative comments at all.

My Dad was cremated the morning after the funeral. Just my sister, her husband, my cousin, and I attended.

I wanted to be there, mainly to take a last look at the coffin and record what people wrote. 

I thought it was a bit like a graveyard service in the crematorium. It was more emotional than I thought it would be, as I pushed the coffin into the furnace.

One of the best compliments I received concerning the simple pine box was from the funeral director, just before we left. He said, “I was impressed by the coffin you built for your Dad; I made sure all our staff came by to take a look at the coffin when they arrived this morning.”

Thank you Brent, for sharing the concept of the simple pine box: the idea, the plans and your guidance. Building Dad’s box gave me time to be with family while we worked together on the box; it gave us a medium to say our final goodbyes to my Dad; and together we were able to give my Dad the pine box he would have wanted.